“You snuck out, I know where you went…”

Often times spouses of dementia patients get accused of theft, infidelity, or other
“improper” behavior. This can be painful, but it helps if you can remember it is the disease speaking.

It is not uncommon for patients with dementia to become paranoid, especially in the late afternoon evening hours. 

The latest story I heard was from an elderly husband who was taking care of his wife. She would call him on his phone in a different room and say, “I heard the garage door go up. I know you went to the club.” Said spouse was watching TV the whole time.

Many spouses do not know this paranoia and accusing is fairly common and it can be very disconcerting. Paranoia and delusions (false beliefs) are not unusual. It doesn’t feel great to hear, especially when you know it is not true. 

Try to redirect and offer comfort to your loved one. Make sure they feel safe, are dry, and offer them a snack and something soft they can hold onto.  Many patients I have met with severe dementia find comfort in holding a baby doll, a sensory blanket or stuffed animal. They often say they like to take care of something.  Do not argue and keep your response simple, like, “I hear you.”

Find support for yourself, including someone you can talk to. If you don’t have anyone there are support groups. It is hard to hear false accusations.  You are not alone.  Reach out for support –  I can help.