Many have heard of Elisabeth Kubla-Ross’ five stages of grief. Most of us have connected them to losses we have encountered – death, divorce, moving, loss of pet, child launching, etc.

In reality these stages were created for the patient who has a terminal illness and their caregiver.  They were designed for anticipatory grief (a grief or loss you know is coming, i.e. a stage 4 cancer diagnosis). 

With that lens, the stages – anger, bargaining, depression, sadness and acceptance – are often experienced by patients and their loved ones. They are often not in order and can repeat.

Regarding all other kinds of loss, you can have the feelings mentioned above and there are not necessarily stages you are expected to go through. There are no rules. We often believe there are as people often say things like, “Are you over it yet? It has been a while,” or the standard three day bereavement leave benefit many are allotted. 

Grief is grief. It will take the time it takes. It is the natural reaction to a loss, any loss.  Imagine a broken hip.  Ideally you go to surgery and get a new hip. Then there is recovery, therapy and letting the hip heal for however long that takes. That is like grief. Typically the bigger the love the longer the grief – but not always.  Some comments from grievers include:

It changes you.

It physically hurts.

It is not about “moving on”. That is hurtful to hear.

You don’t need to fix me, you can listen to me.

No one follows a “cookie cutter” regarding “stages of grief”. We are all different.

Reach out for a free coaching consultation to process a loss, grief or any other topic on your mind.