A client reminded me that a year ago she lost her partner – in the beginning of the COVID lockdown. As she reflected on the year, she talked about the pain of not receiving physical acknowledgement of her loss: the comfort of hugs. She mentioned that in the past year, she has only received a couple of “quick hugs” from a cousin she had seen a few times. Grieving spouses can usually count on hugs that friends and family offer for comfort and connection. My client told me how much harder her grief had been without them.
Our bodies crave touch. Our brains are wired for it. Losing someone who she was used to getting touch to then grieving without hugs, left her devastated.
Another client this week talked about her mother-in-law dying in a hospital with only a few family members being able to look at her through the window in the hospital door. Not is not how endings are supposed to be.
One client shared that her mother-in-law would not have a “regular funeral”. Instead sometime in July, there will be a “group memorial” for many who have died in the area. While the loss will be publicly acknowledged, it will not be specific for her loved one.
Another client who had not been able to attend church due to closures in COVID said she “just happened” to find out someone she knew had passed away by reading the church update in an email. If she had been attending church, she would have gotten regular updates on this person. Instead, she was caught off guard and feels guilty for not knowing the church member was sick.
COVID has contributed to complicated grieving; grief which can be difficult enough, made harder by things beyond our control. I hear these stories weekly.
We already live in a culture that is not designed to openly discuss grief and death, let alone the complexities that arise with a death in COVID times.
For more info on complicated grief, click here:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374
If you would like a free mini session about your grief, or anything for that matter, please connect with me here https://lisamadsencoaching.com/contact-me/