Over one million Americans live in nursing homes.  Many families have to make the hard choice to place a loved one.  If you have done this, you know this does not always go smoothly.

For the patient it often brings up a loss of control and can take several months to adjust. 

Many ask, “When can I go home?” In this case if he/she needs, for example, to improve their mobility (for example,  climbing stairs) you can let he/she know that is the goal. If you know your person will not be coming home, it is important to be honest.  It is not helpful (or kind) to make unrealistic promises to patients who are cognitively intact.

Find ways to make the loved one’s new space feel like home, bring in a favorite  piece of furniture or artwork.  Photos can go a long way.  Asking the patient how he/she wants to decorate helps him/her to stay involved even if he/she is angry.

It can also help to ask who your loved one wants to give certain items to.

If you can, commit to a regular time to visit to help with a new routine.  If the patient is able to leave the facility, a weekly trip to lunch or church can help lift the spirits. If you can’t be there in person, making consistent calls can help. 

Get to know the staff if possible. The early months are critical. Visit at meal or activity time so you can observe what is going on.  Ask the staff how your person engages, what he/she does all day, etc.  When something is not going well make sure to report that to staff as you know your person the best.